no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
