3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
