i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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