Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are leaves in my underwear?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
