ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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