if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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