My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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