The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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