I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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