Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
