I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Randomize
