I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
