wakey wakey hands off snakey
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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