I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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