My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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