I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
