Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
