If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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