Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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