Swine flu. Run for my life!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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