The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
