Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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