i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
