i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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