Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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