a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
