Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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