so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
