Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
