On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
