I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
