We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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