Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
