If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
