but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
