just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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