I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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