Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
