im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
