all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
