You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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