Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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