fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
