It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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