does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
