you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
