she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
