Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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