She is in my trunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
