I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
