Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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