Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
