Im at strip club and am horny
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
