Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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