he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
