You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize